


All alone

by hak22



Category: N.Flying (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Insecurity, Protective Hyungs, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-21
Updated: 2020-01-21
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:14:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22277683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hak22/pseuds/hak22
Summary: Dongsung feels insecure about his position in the band due to some unwarranted hate from ot4 fans, and he worries about being a burden or disappointing his hyungs, who graciously accepted him and invited him to join their band in the first place.
Relationships: Seo Dongsung/Everyone
Comments: 2
Kudos: 90





	All alone

**Author's Note:**

> requested by https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsGoodDay

The first time Dongsung felt truly alone was when FNC announced the disbandment of HONEYST. Everything he had been working for in the past two years just fell through, right before his eyes and despite being the leader of the group, he couldn’t do a thing. It wasn’t up to him anymore, the decision was final. 

Dongsung could remember not wanting to leave the dorms, he didn’t want to face the reality of not being part of this band anymore, he didn’t want to acknowledge the fact that the dream he had always thought was in his grasp was no longer there, it had simply disappeared. 

Dongsung didn’t know what went wrong or when it went wrong, he had no clue as to what he must have done wrong for this to be his fate, for it to be the fate of HONEYST. 

And so, despite being in a room full of FNC staff and his ex-members, Dongsung felt cold. He felt as if no one around him could ever warm him up again, they wouldn’t be able to do anything to make him feel like he belonged, like he wasn’t alone. This was his fate. 

  
  
  


The second time Dongsung ever felt like this again was on the day he was supposed to be the happiest. It was the day when the dream he thought he had lost came running back to him. It was the day he officially became part of a new family, a family called N.Flying. 

After Seunghyub had announced that Dongsung would be a new addition to their group and after FNC rushed to confirm his statement, the younger boy had been excited. He thought he was extremely fortunate to have Seunghyub, Hoon, Jaehyun and Hweseung around him. If it weren’t for them accepting him with their arms wide open, he’d have no idea as to where he would have ended up. They saved his life and he would forever be thankful for that.

All **five** members of N.Flying were gathered around one another when the news was being announced, and as their leader had pressed “post”, Cha Hoon had jumped up and embraced Dongsung in the tightest hug. Hoon, who had been there to witness Dongsung go through the lowest point in his life and who had comforted the younger boy when he would cry uncontrollably into the night sky, couldn’t help but to let out a few tears. The boy Hoon thought he wouldn’t be able to save was standing right in front of him, as happy as ever, Hoon would never trade this for anything in the world. Anyone looking in would think that these boys were close brothers, and though the same blood didn’t run through their veins, at that moment it seemed as though water was thicker than blood. 

“Hoon~” Jaehyun called out in an annoying tone of voice, “are you crying?”

The said boy quickly wiped his tears before turning around to glare at Jaehyun. 

“Do you want to die?” He responded with another question rather than answering the one he was asked. 

But Jaehyun wasn’t fazed, he just laughed before continuing. 

“You were definitely crying,”

Hoon, no longer able to stay still, lunged at Jaehyun before he was stopped by Seunghyub. 

“Guys, today is literally supposed to be Dongsung’s day, stop acting like **two idiots** and let’s celebrate,” 

Dongsung who had moved to stand by Hweseung suddenly stepped forward and spoke out. 

“Actually hyung, I still need to do some packing so I can move into your dorms, I was thinking I could go do that right now and we can all celebrate later on today”

“Ah, okay then, we’ll see you tonight at **our** dorms, alright?” Seunghyub asked Dongsung. 

“Okay, hyung, I’ll see you then.” 

As the youngest boy turned to leave the room he was stopped by a hand softly placed on his shoulder. 

“Do you want us to help?” Hweseung asked unsure of whether or not he was acting like an older brother. 

“No, it’s okay hyung, I can do it by myself,” Dongsung smiles brightly at the older boy before leaving the room.

When Hweseung turned to look at the rest of the members, he found them looking at him with smiles on their faces. 

“What?” Hweseung questioned, confused as to what his hyungs had been smiling about.

“Well? What is it then?” He asked in an aggressive tone, bothered by the lack of response.

“Nothing, it’s just sweet to see you act like that,” Seunghyub said.

Hweseung rolled his eyes before proceeding to leave the room as well. 

  
  
  
  
  


Dongsung opened the door to the place he had reluctantly called home for the past few months. He still had boxes stashed away in the corner from his previous move, he constantly found himself unable to unpack, afraid that it would let out some unwanted memories. But he was leaving that life behind now, he was entering a new one, a brighter one. 

Dongsung sat down on the mattress that was on the floor (he hadn’t bothered buying a bed frame, assuming it wouldn’t be his first move) and took out his phone. It had been a good hour and a half since the announcement and the bassist couldn’t wait to see what the responses would be. 

He opened Twitter and logged into the official N.Flying account which he got the details of just a few days ago from Seunghyub.

  
  


**@ n.fialife;** omg ,, I’m so happy !! finally, dongsung gets to be happy 

**@ dongsungsjoy;** i support this !!!

**@ chahunhun;** thank you seunghyub !! dongsung really deserved this 

  
  


The replies Dongsung saw really made him happy. He didn’t think he would get such a positive response and he didn’t feel like stopping there. He kept on scrolling and scrolling. He even searched his name up to see what other people had said about him. Soon enough the expression on his face changed, it was replaced with a look of hurt. 

**@ loveseung;** why is seunghyub doing this ughhh? hweseung will always be the maknae

**@ luvhweseung;** @loveseung ikrrr !! i bet hweseung doesn’t like this either. 

Dongsung tried to think back to all the moments he had spent with the other members, he tried to remember any moment that would indicate Hweseung never wanted him there, never wanted him to be part of their group, but he couldn’t. Hweseung accepted him, he was loved by the older… right?

Dongsung shook his head as if to get rid of the comments that plagued his thoughts. These were only a few comments out of the bunch, there had to be nicer and more accepting ones out there.

**@ lovehyunhun;** um I only stanned because of four members, not five. 

**@ protectsung;** people really need to stop being so rude, n.fia’s love you dongsung!!

**@ chahunnn__;** ughh do we really need another vocalisit ??

**@ kim_jaehyunnn; @chahunnn__** ikrr , we don’t even need him as a bassist, we’re fine without one 

**@ chahunnn__; @kim_jaehyunnn** right??? and plus, our maknae will forever be hweseung so can this dongsung person leave

  
  


The boy couldn’t do it anymore. 

He couldn’t take every shot that was fired at him.

He thought all the events he had partaken in as the unofficial bassist of N.Flying would make people realise that he was worth it. That he was worth accepting, he was worth loving. But maybe that was only his thoughtd, maybe the other members didn’t think the same. He wasn’t needed. He wasn’t wanted. 

Dongsung felt himself fall back onto the mattress and even though there was no one else in the room with him, he found himself covering his eyes to hide the tears that fell onto the pillow underneath him. He wanted to hide from the crippling silence and the clock on the wall taht seemed to mock his pain. 

_Tick… Tock... Tick… Tock… you’re not wanted._

Dongsung was alone. 

In a room filled with his hardest memories, Dongsung was alone and he’d forever be like that. 

Dongsung didn’t know what went wrong or when it went wrong. All he knew was that he was the cause of it. He should have never confided his deepest and darkest secret to Hoon, if he had just kept it to himself then Seunghyub would have never suggested adding someone like him to the group. He didn’t even fit it, he wasn’t meant to fit in. Clearly he was hated by the fans, they didn’t want him here, maybe that’s how his hyungs felt as well.

The bassist was abruptly cut off from his self deprecating thoughts by a knock on the door, he hadn’t invited anyone, maybe it was the landlord asking for the room back. 

Dongsung stood in front of the door, pulled his sleeves over his hands and wiped his tears off before opening the door.

He was surprised at the sight of four people in front of him. 

Jaehyun let out an excited scream before they all proceeded to barge into the room. 

“Uhh… what are you guys doing here?” The youngest asked in a confused tone.

“Well, Jaehyun suggested we should go around to help you pack since you are one of us now,” Seunghyub answered. 

“Yeah, I can’t believe even Jaehyun hyung has good ideas, like I genuinely thought he had zero brain cells,” Hweseung inputted into the conversation.

Dongsung could only smile at the statement, unable to laugh along like the rest. Hoon noticed but found himself struggling to say something. 

“Look! Sungie must have packed everything already,” Jaehyun said as he pointed at the boxes in the corner of the room. 

“Oh yeah, wow, you’re quite fast, it’s only been over an hour since you disappeared.” Hweseung went over to the younger boy and patted his shoulder as a way to say ‘well done’.

An hour of Dongsung on the internet, an hour of him reading comment after comment hating him and wishing he had never joined, an hour of crying. This life definitely wasn’t for him.

Dongsung felt the hand on his shoulder tighten, 

“What’s wrong Dongsung?” Hweseung whispered in his ear. 

“Nothing,” he tried smiling bigger but his eyes deceived him. 

Before Hweseung could prod any further and before Dongsung could protest at what was about to happen, Hoon had made his way to the mattress and sat down but not for long. As soon as he had sat down, he shot up again, letting out a shriek. 

“Dongsung,” the boy gasped, “why is this so wet?”

  
  


Seunghyub looked at the boy in question, eyes urging him to go on. 

“I- uh- my- um- my glass of water spilled,” 

“But I don’t see any glasses here, and all of your glasses seemed to be already packed,” Hoon declared from the observation he made. 

“Sweetie, what’s wrong?” Seunghyub questioned in concern.

“N-nothing, I’m fine,”

It took a mere touch against his cheek from the person he never wanted to disappoint for him to break down into a puddle of tears, but Hoon caught the smaller boy before he fell to the ground. 

“I do-don’t deserve to be here, I’m not supposed to be in this group,” Dongsung confessed to his members the one thing he never wanted to burden them with. He didn’t want them to suffer the emotions he had been suppressing, he wanted them to prosper while he stood in the background, exactly the way it was supposed to be. Dongsung’s fate was sealed as N.Flying’s bassist for a couple of shows, not an official member. 

The younger knew how they felt about him, they didn’t want to deal with a disappointment like him, who would want to? He was the reason for the downfall of everything and there he sat, in the arms of his hyung who was probably becoming annoyed at the tear stain he was leaving on the other’s shirt.. 

“I’m so sorry Hoon hyung,” Dongsung quickly pulled away from the embrace and stared at the wet patch on his hyung’s shoulder, ‘great’ he thought, he couldn’t do a single thing right. 

“No, don’t worry about this, I don’t care about it, Dongsung- we care about you,” Hoon said as he caressed the cheek of his cherished brother. 

The boy just shook his head, pulling away from the touch on his cheek 

“You can’t- you can’t care about me, they said you don’t,” Dongsung let out in a flurry of words a gasp at what he had just exposed. 

“Who’s ‘they’, sungie?” Jaehyun pushed for the other to answer. 

“I- no one!”

Seunghyub gave a pointed look towards the youngest of their group which only led to the boy lifting his arm and pointing at the phone laying face down on the mattress. 

  
  


Hweseung rushed to the phone and picked it up. As he began scrolling through the endless pages of hate, only a pained gasp could leave his mouth. He passed the phone to their leader, who then passed it to Jaehyun, who finally gave it to Hoon to read. The drummer was in tears, unable to look at the boy on the floor who had suffered in silence. 

Hoon looked up at the boy in front of him, the quiet enveloped them before Seunghyub led the five of them into a group hug. Dongsung was in the middle while the other four boys surrounded him as if to protect him from the outside world. 

“You deserve to be here,”

“You are a vocalist and the bassist of N.Flying and you will forever be that,”

“I don’t care that I’m no longer the maknae, I only care about you,” 

“We don’t hate you,”

“He’s right, and we never could,”

“N.Flying has **five** members,”

“You’re precious to us,”

“And you’re irreplaceable,” 

Dongsung didn’t even know who was saying what. The endless praise and comfort didn’t stop. The members wanted to remind their maknae that he was loved, that he mattered, that he was wanted. 

Although he knew the comments wouldn’t stop coming, and he knew that people will always talk, at least he had his members beside him, helping him fight every demon he encountered. They were his brothers, his family.

And for the first time in a very long time, Dongsung no longer felt alone in a room full of people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed that !!
> 
> Come shout at me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/polarisminki) hehe 
> 
> You can leave me requests in the comments or on my [cc](https://curiouscat.me/polarisminki)


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